18 July 2014

If Only...

It was Dancing to the Oldies in the ballroom after dinner one night while we were cruising Europe.

I was sitting with the boyfriend's family as couples filled the dance floor. Cheek to cheek, and hand in hand they danced to love songs as the sun set. The family drifted off, coupled up, as I sat by myself. The boyfriend was off playing chess somewhere, I'd been told, and I sat there... 

Wanting to be that old couple some day. The ones who had seen it all, and still wanted to dance with each other, still smiled fondly, still laughed together. The ones who had years of memories, the "remember when's", the shared look of knowing what the other is thinking, feeling, remembering. The ones dancing to "Put Your Head On My Shoulder".

I love the family, and they love me. More so than the boyfriend does -and truthfully, more than I do him. I'm a convenience, I know, I fill the spot nicely.  No drama, no bumps, I know the right thing to say at the right moment in time.

His brothers adore me, and are the brothers I never had. We joke, we laugh, we watch out for each other. If only...

Instead of "remember when's", I have "if only's".

If only the family were enough.


  1. Very wise to see it....even though it sucks, and hurts. Sorry lady...

  2. Thanks Sam. Maybe someday, right?

  3. It's a terrible feeling to be with someone and feel alone. Your someday will come. Promise. Write what you want down, and every time you meet someone new, if he doesn't make you feel like that, walk away.

    Well, walk away AFTER he's taken you on the cruise. :)